SNEAKYRABBIT Special: Translation of the New Bin Laden Tape

Because Bin Laden's latest attack on the American people involves forcing us to listen to moronic analysis of whether his latest tape proves he's rooting for Bush or Kerry, we here at THE SNEAKY RABBIT are pleased to offer a translation of the key passage unavailable anywhere else in the media.

Your security is not in the hands of Kerry or Bush or al Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands. Any nation that does not attack us will not be attacked.

Translation:

I don't particularly care whether Kerry or Bush wins. See, I want to kill all of you equally. I'm fucking Osama Bin Laden. You know how little difference Ralph Nader sees between the presidential candidates? I can't even see any difference between them and Nader. I can't fucking tell any of you apart, because my eerily pleasant eyes are completely clouded by bloodlust. I am trying to kill you. All of you. Period.

Do I prefer Kerry? Well, is he American? Then I prefer to kill him. But please don't think killing Kerry will make me want to kill Bush any less. I also continue to be interested in killing you.

I am getting pretty tired of people arguing about who I'm rooting for. I'm rooting for you all to fucking die. Especially Howard Fineman.