Tuesday, October 26, 2004

It's Worse Than You Thought

Thought I'd check to see how the wingnut community is handling the stress of Zero Week, so I wandered over to Townhall.com, "Your First Stop For Nuttery."

What's on their minds, apparently, is their own feces. "Every time I flush the toilet, I think of Congress," writes an exhilarated Paul Jacob. Apparently he's angry about water-saving toilets.

Which, frankly, is a scandal the liberal media has been covering up for years. Apparently the regulation began in 1992 or something, "And, with this, American frustration with their toilets began in earnest."

So that's when it was!

To me, the toilet is a triumph of private enterprise and human ingenuity.

Instead, I prefer to see what's left in the toilet bowl as a symbol of Congress. A clogged mass of disgusting waste.

[...]My wife complained to me, recently, about our twelve-year-old clogging the toilet again. I defended the poor kid. Don't blame kids, blame Congress!

I'm not kidding; it goes on for a whole column.

Maybe your kid wouldn't clog the toilet if you'd stop feeding him Grapes of Wrath and Sandwiches of Vitriol, Mr. Jacob.

And for the rest of you, look, I realize Townhall.com is an easy target, but I'm busy, and it's pretty damn funny. Check out the guy's picture! Can't you just see him staring into the toilet, muttering darkly to himself about the Clean Water Act?

Do you think he'll get a cabinet appointment if things go badly next Tuesday?

Are you ready to mutter darkly into your toilet yet?


UPDATE: Jawbones and his intrepid team of researchers have sent in this late-breaking picture and report from the front lines:

Paul Jacob reconstructing the scene...