Bill, You Ignorant Slut

From Bill Safire's column defending the war in Iraq in today's Times:

In this rush to misjudgment, we can see an example of the "Four Noes" that have become the defeatists' platform.

The first "no" is no stockpiles of W.M.D., used to justify the war, were found. With the qualifier "so far" left out, the absence of evidence is taken to be evidence of absence. [...]

[Later reporting] may well reveal the successful concealment of W.M.D., as well as prewar shipments thereof to Syria and plans for production and missile delivery, by Saddam's Special Republican Guard and fedayeen, as part of his planned guerrilla war — the grandmother of all battles. The present story line of "Saddam was stupid, fooled by his generals" would then be replaced by "Saddam was shrewder than we thought."

This will be especially true for bacteriological weapons, which are small and easier to hide.

This is the case for the war in Iraq? To me, the idea that our invasion caused the shipment of WMD to Syria seems like a bad thing. Saddam was contained; Syria has some, er, nasty friends.

Defeatism's second "no" is no connection was made between Saddam and Al Qaeda or any of its terrorist affiliates. This is asserted as revealed truth with great fervor, despite an extensive listing of communications and meetings between Iraqi officials and terrorists submitted to Congress months ago.

Most damning is the rise to terror's top rank of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who escaped Afghanistan to receive medical treatment in Baghdad.

Right. But is there any evidence Saddam or the government authorized the medical treatment? That might constitute a connection. Otherwise every state that has ever had a terrorist pass through its borders would be a terrorist state. Primarily, Abu al-Zarqawi was based in Iraqi territory controlled by the Kurds, in other words, by...us. So under the Safire Rule, do we now need to bomb ourselves?

The third "no" is no human-rights high ground can be claimed by us regarding Saddam's torture chambers because we mistreated Iraqi prisoners.

Safire is winning what one commentator called the War on Straw. Nobody has ever said this, or anything like it, so I'll skip Safire's rebuttal.

The fourth "no" is no Arab nation is culturally ready for political freedom and our attempt to impose democracy in Iraq is arrogant Wilsonian idealism.

This is a nuclear weapon in the War on Straw. Bush says this all the time -- that some people think Arabs aren't ready for democracy -- but nobody's ever been able to quote a single commentator saying anything that even points in this direction.

Safire's four "noes," apparently, are: no fact-checking, no commitment to rational argument, no deviating from the party line, and no backing down in the face of overwhelming evidence you're wrong.